Psalm 103

  He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's. (3 ~ 5)

  The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who hear him is as great as height of the heavens above the earth. (8 ~ 11)

  He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. (12 ~ 14)

  Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone - as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. (15 ~ 17)

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  Human's life is like a one dot in infinite space. Someday, life will be gone, and  the disappearance of one life looks like nothing. Then, is human's life meaningless? No. For those who know God have unfailing relation with God, who is infinite and immortal.

He alone is my refuge

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. (Psalm 91: 2, 14)

  I am reading the Bible with chronological order. This psalm is Moses'. I completed reading Deuteronomy, and I could see Moses' last day in the world. In his life, he led the Israelite from the Egypt to Canaan, where the God had promised with Israelite's ancestor Abraham. He was a great prophet. He knew the God face to face. However, he should wander in wilderness in his all life, and he couldn't enter the promised land finally. He died while seeing land of Canaan.

  I believe this psalm is Moses' true confession in his life. Although he couldn't enter the prosper land, he confessed that the God is alone refuge to those who love the God. At the last time of his life, it was Moses' confession. What will be my confession in my life?

What the God requires

And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul. (Deuteronomy 10:12)

  This is what God required of Israelite. That is also requisition of me to the Lord my God. Love - it is what God want from me. Why is he hungry for my love? He is God, who is perfect, however, he needs his people's love. It seems unreasonable.

  I have a daughter of one month old. She can't do anything by herself. Only thing she can do is to cry out when she is hungry and inconvenient. I cannot communicate with her, and I don't understand her crying. She makes her parents fatigued. But, I love her with all my heart. I am very pleased when she is pleased with me - she sometimes shows a smile shortly for me. Um... I also don't understand what the meaning is because she makes a smile right after crying. She makes me happy. I want her love because I love her with all my heart. It is a relationship between a daughter and her father. I believe God's wanting for love is similar to this.

The reason why God selected a human

The Lord did not set his heart on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you, and he was keeping the oath he had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the Lord rescued you with such a strong hand from your slavery and from the oppressive had of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. (Deuteronomy 7:7~8)

  I am not able to know why God selected and saved me. Also, it is mysterious that God loves people who disobey and refuse Him. Someone say that they need something good in order to be selected and saved by God. But, it is not true. God's selection is by his own will and his promise toward people. Good, faithful, sincere, strong, ... People may say there should be virtues needed for being saved. However, all virtues are meaningless in the presence of God, for God is "who am I" and incomparable.

Trust in wilderness

And you saw how the LORD your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father care for his children. Now he has brought you to this place. But even after all he did, you refused to trust the LORD your God. (Deuteronomy 1:31~32)

  I am willing to confess that my God have cared and led my life. Through my journey, sometimes I felt harsh in my life, however, I believe that all thing is in His good will. And, now I live in not my homeland but a strange land as a foreigner. That situation is something like Israelite's life in wilderness. They were also foreigner and they couldn't settle in the promised land. They should wander the wilderness because of their rebellion to God. Although they had seen many miracles and experienced guidance by God who delivered them from Egypt, they refused to trust the God due to their difficult situation.

  I also experienced God's sincere care for me especially through times in preparation of studying and curing my thyroid cancer. Nevertheless, I might commit a sin to refuse to trust God because of difficult situations and unexpected happenings in my contemporary life. I hope I won't repeat Israelite's wandering. I pray I can trust God sincerely during my life journey.

Ayin's theme song

  "God wants to well up a spring water in the barren land through your life.

  God wants souls who are poor and thirsty know His love through your life."

  I sing this song to Ayin when she cries or feels uncomfortable. I believe lyric of this song is well-matched with meaning of Ayin's name - source of spring water. I often insert "Ayin's" instead of "your." I believe Ayin likes my singing for her.

  I hope Ayin will live a life to share blessing and love of God with her neighbors as the lyric says.

Jeongeun and Ayin

Celebrating Ayin's comeing!!

  Ayin came home on Sep. 1, two days after her birth. At that time, Jeongeun still felt pain in her abdomen due to Cesarean surgery. However, doctors let the patient return home early in USA. I don't know why. Maybe, I think it is because Americans are much healthier than Asian.

  I bought a cake for celebrating Ayin's coming. We enjoyed the sweet and delicious cake. Thanks Ayin! :-)

Cute...

  Ayin is getting cuter. I believe she is the cutest baby. :-) I can't recognize how much time has passed while seeing Ayin's face. Many people say that Ayin resembles me but she is cute.

Baby's name - Ayin Crystal Koo

  After baby's birth, Jeongeun and her mother stayed at a hospital room and I returned home. It was a exciting and happy day because I met my baby first time. Then, I had a very important mission, which was deciding my baby's name.

  Gunjae and Jeongeun had considered baby's name since about 4-months of pregnancy when we knew the baby was a girl. It was not a easy mission because my surname 'Koo' is not good for girl's name. Its sound is somewhat strong and rigid. It is not well-matched with girl's give names. We had tried to make a good name for our baby, and there were almost more than twenty candidates of names. Naturally, selecting one name was also a difficult problem. But, it was time to decide despite of difficulty. In USA, baby's name have to be determined because baby's birth should be registered right after the birth.

  Therefore, when returning home, I decided my daughter's name - "Ayin Crystal Koo". Korean name is '구아인'.

  'Ayin' means an eye in Hebrew. Also, I searched it contains meanings of 'God's eye', 'source of spring water' and 'salvation'. I referred middle name 'Crystal' from a sentence in the Bible -"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb" in the Book of Revelation 21:1.

  I wish Ayin will be a person who can reveal the Gospel of Jesus Christ who is the way, the truth and the life. That is a life as a source of blessing from God. That is a life sharing water of life. I wish Ayin will be a person as her name.

Ayin Crystal Koo (1 day after birth)

Ayin's birth

  In the evening of Aug 30, Jeongeun started to feel pain in her abdomen periodically, which is pre-sign of delivery. When I came home, she was writing down the interval of pain. Before that, she had not felt any pain, so I expected that the delivery would be later than due date. However, the interval of pain was getting shorter, and Jeongeun and I could not sleep. I don't know what to do. It was our first delivery, and we had not been prepared. (Delivery service in USA is different from Korea. Somewhat inconvenient.) We didn't make a reservation for hospital.

  At 1:00 am, the interval of pain became shorter, and Jeongeun felt somewhat severe pain in her abdomen. She decided to go hospital. We went to Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center. It was midnight. I drove a car on a dark street. We had arrived the calm hospital. We didn't know even where to go for delivery, also we didn't know what would happen.

  Jeongeun, her mother and I could go 3rd floor, which is the floor for giving birth. She was feeling periodic pain and laid on a bed for delivery. A nurse checked her status. She said a womb opened 4 cm. Jeongeun chose to have an epidural to reduce pain. It is commonly recommended to mothers for reducing pain during delivery. Jeongeun got an epidural on her back. She felt no pain after that and got asleep. We waited a womb would open more, however, delivery wasn't progressed any more. Normally, after the womb opens 10 cm, a doctor come to process delivery. While we waiting, it was seen that baby's heart beating interval sometimes become irregular. We wan't worry about it because the baby had been healthy during pregnancy. But, the nurse said that a cesarean might be required for baby's safety. The doctor came in the morning, and he said we should decide whether to take a cesarean section. We wanted to deliver the baby with normal process, so we decided to wait. We prayed for normal delivery and baby's safety.

  We waited until 11 am, however, the womb didn't opened any more. While waiting, baby's heart beating became irregular once more. We waited 10 hours after the womb had opened. We had no choice but to take a cesarean section for baby's safety. It was heartbreaking for me to see Jeongeun was moved to an operating room. The doctor explained that a cesarean section would take about one hour. It might be somewhat light surgery, but it was surgery. I waited out of an operating room with sad, gloomy and complex feeling.

  After about an hour, I could enter a recovery room. Jeongeun was brought into the room on a bed, and... a small and poor baby was on her breast!! The baby closing her eyes was crying with small voice. How small my baby!! How much did I look forward to seeing you!! I was so happy and impressed that tears flowed down my face. Seeing that, a nurse asked to me what was the problem. It was a dramatic moment that words cannot describe. I became a father, and I was seeing my daughter.

Ayin was born at 11:16 am on Aug 30, 2011

  The baby was small. She was only 6.12 lb and 19.5 inch. Her small hands and feet were very cute! She was healthy and Jeongeun was also OK. It was the first step of journey with my daughter Ayin.