Successfulness and fruitfulness

There is a great difference between successfulness and fruitfulness. Success comes from strength, control, and respectability. A successful person has the energy to create something, to keep control over its development, and to make it available in large quantities. Success brings many rewards and often fame. Fruits, however, come from weakness and vulnerability. And fruits are unique. A child is the fruit conceived in vulnerability, community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another's wounds. Let's remind one another that what brings us true joy is not successfulness but fruitfulness. - Henri Nouwen

How can I do for pursuit of true joy?

Spiritual choice

Choices. Choices make the difference. Two people are in the same accident and severely wounded. They did not choose to be in the accident. It happened to them. But one of them chose to live the experience in bitterness, the other in gratitude. These choices radically influenced their lives and the lives of their families and friends. We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have a lot of control over how we integrate and remember what happens. It is precisely these spiritual choices that determine whether we live our lives with dignity. - Henri Nouwen

  I want to avoid harmful accidents which make our life struggled. My disease, thyroid cancer, was also a same kind of things. When I think about my disease, I fill that it wouldn't have happened to me. It is a burden of my life. I feel afraid that it may block my career and normal life. However, I have learned God's love and sincerity toward me through my disease. I could know the worthy of my family and time with them. Also, I found that my life doesn't flow as my wish. That is precious wisdom dig out while I went through my disease

Laziness...

  I am reading a book about laziness. I want to be a diligent and sincere person, but my laziness hinders my hope. The author of the book says a lazy person is led by the life, not lead the life. It is true. Those who don't have goals live lazy lives, but they can live very busy lives. It is because they are taken by busy works and tasks given to them. Their lives are not theirs. So, those are lazy lives.

  I hope to live a sincere day, but I think I failed. I don't know what to do because there was no plan today. How can I save my time and live a sincere life? It is one of important problems in my life.

Daybreak prayer

  2011 ended and new year started. When I recollect my previous year, I want to say it was a very thankful year. God has given me much grace and led my family sincerely. But, it seems that my life was not sincere to him. I hope to fill my spirit with meaningful things which the Lord gives to me.

  On the first day of the 2012, I heard a preach in the Sunday worship, and the theme of the preach was about 'breakthrough in 2012.' To overcome the usual and meaningless life, the pastor said we need earnest and continuing prayers. I agree. But, I often postpone my prayer time because I always have other things to do - studying, doing homework, caring Ayin, taking a rest, ... I always want to get out of my meaningless and routine life, but always have reasons, which are things of the life, to postpone meaningful things.

  After hearing the preach, my wife suggested to attend the daybreak prayer in the church. I couldn't decide my mind because I love my morning sleeping time so much. It is so difficult for me to wake up early. I worried to be tired if I would wake up so early. I wanted to rest myself. But, what is need for me and my wife is spiritual breakthrough. Anyway, we should wake up in the morning early because Ayin wakes up early. She usually starts to sleep at 6 p.m. and gets up 5 ~ 6 a.m. One of us should play with her after she wakes up. So, we decided to attend daybreak prayer in the church although going with Ayin requires some preparations.

  On Jan 2, we succeeded to attend the daybreak prayer meeting. My good daughter had slept well during the night and waked up at 5:40 a.m. Wow!! We packed Ayin's goods and went to the church.

  It was the first step for breakthrough in 2012. I don't know whether it will continue to the end of the year or not. Perhaps, I might get very tired. However, I know that my routine days will go on unless I change the priority of my life. I don't want show my meaningless life to my heavenly Father, Ayin and Jeongeun. The change may be small, but the time given to God will not be small.

Psalm 103

  He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's. (3 ~ 5)

  The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who hear him is as great as height of the heavens above the earth. (8 ~ 11)

  He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. (12 ~ 14)

  Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone - as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. (15 ~ 17)

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  Human's life is like a one dot in infinite space. Someday, life will be gone, and  the disappearance of one life looks like nothing. Then, is human's life meaningless? No. For those who know God have unfailing relation with God, who is infinite and immortal.

He alone is my refuge

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. (Psalm 91: 2, 14)

  I am reading the Bible with chronological order. This psalm is Moses'. I completed reading Deuteronomy, and I could see Moses' last day in the world. In his life, he led the Israelite from the Egypt to Canaan, where the God had promised with Israelite's ancestor Abraham. He was a great prophet. He knew the God face to face. However, he should wander in wilderness in his all life, and he couldn't enter the promised land finally. He died while seeing land of Canaan.

  I believe this psalm is Moses' true confession in his life. Although he couldn't enter the prosper land, he confessed that the God is alone refuge to those who love the God. At the last time of his life, it was Moses' confession. What will be my confession in my life?

What the God requires

And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul. (Deuteronomy 10:12)

  This is what God required of Israelite. That is also requisition of me to the Lord my God. Love - it is what God want from me. Why is he hungry for my love? He is God, who is perfect, however, he needs his people's love. It seems unreasonable.

  I have a daughter of one month old. She can't do anything by herself. Only thing she can do is to cry out when she is hungry and inconvenient. I cannot communicate with her, and I don't understand her crying. She makes her parents fatigued. But, I love her with all my heart. I am very pleased when she is pleased with me - she sometimes shows a smile shortly for me. Um... I also don't understand what the meaning is because she makes a smile right after crying. She makes me happy. I want her love because I love her with all my heart. It is a relationship between a daughter and her father. I believe God's wanting for love is similar to this.