Successfulness and fruitfulness

There is a great difference between successfulness and fruitfulness. Success comes from strength, control, and respectability. A successful person has the energy to create something, to keep control over its development, and to make it available in large quantities. Success brings many rewards and often fame. Fruits, however, come from weakness and vulnerability. And fruits are unique. A child is the fruit conceived in vulnerability, community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another's wounds. Let's remind one another that what brings us true joy is not successfulness but fruitfulness. - Henri Nouwen

How can I do for pursuit of true joy?

Spiritual choice

Choices. Choices make the difference. Two people are in the same accident and severely wounded. They did not choose to be in the accident. It happened to them. But one of them chose to live the experience in bitterness, the other in gratitude. These choices radically influenced their lives and the lives of their families and friends. We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have a lot of control over how we integrate and remember what happens. It is precisely these spiritual choices that determine whether we live our lives with dignity. - Henri Nouwen

  I want to avoid harmful accidents which make our life struggled. My disease, thyroid cancer, was also a same kind of things. When I think about my disease, I fill that it wouldn't have happened to me. It is a burden of my life. I feel afraid that it may block my career and normal life. However, I have learned God's love and sincerity toward me through my disease. I could know the worthy of my family and time with them. Also, I found that my life doesn't flow as my wish. That is precious wisdom dig out while I went through my disease

Laziness...

  I am reading a book about laziness. I want to be a diligent and sincere person, but my laziness hinders my hope. The author of the book says a lazy person is led by the life, not lead the life. It is true. Those who don't have goals live lazy lives, but they can live very busy lives. It is because they are taken by busy works and tasks given to them. Their lives are not theirs. So, those are lazy lives.

  I hope to live a sincere day, but I think I failed. I don't know what to do because there was no plan today. How can I save my time and live a sincere life? It is one of important problems in my life.

Daybreak prayer

  2011 ended and new year started. When I recollect my previous year, I want to say it was a very thankful year. God has given me much grace and led my family sincerely. But, it seems that my life was not sincere to him. I hope to fill my spirit with meaningful things which the Lord gives to me.

  On the first day of the 2012, I heard a preach in the Sunday worship, and the theme of the preach was about 'breakthrough in 2012.' To overcome the usual and meaningless life, the pastor said we need earnest and continuing prayers. I agree. But, I often postpone my prayer time because I always have other things to do - studying, doing homework, caring Ayin, taking a rest, ... I always want to get out of my meaningless and routine life, but always have reasons, which are things of the life, to postpone meaningful things.

  After hearing the preach, my wife suggested to attend the daybreak prayer in the church. I couldn't decide my mind because I love my morning sleeping time so much. It is so difficult for me to wake up early. I worried to be tired if I would wake up so early. I wanted to rest myself. But, what is need for me and my wife is spiritual breakthrough. Anyway, we should wake up in the morning early because Ayin wakes up early. She usually starts to sleep at 6 p.m. and gets up 5 ~ 6 a.m. One of us should play with her after she wakes up. So, we decided to attend daybreak prayer in the church although going with Ayin requires some preparations.

  On Jan 2, we succeeded to attend the daybreak prayer meeting. My good daughter had slept well during the night and waked up at 5:40 a.m. Wow!! We packed Ayin's goods and went to the church.

  It was the first step for breakthrough in 2012. I don't know whether it will continue to the end of the year or not. Perhaps, I might get very tired. However, I know that my routine days will go on unless I change the priority of my life. I don't want show my meaningless life to my heavenly Father, Ayin and Jeongeun. The change may be small, but the time given to God will not be small.